The Dreamer

Left, right, left. One foot after another. Rhythmically pressing against the pavement. Each step and breath guiding her body and taking it away from the stress and demands of daily life. She calls herself a runner. An identity that she uses to combat her other identity that brings ridicule and hatred.

Jamie Turcios goes for a run almost every day. She does not think about her upcoming biology exams or her future as an undocumented student. Instead, she breathes and clears her mind so when her legs stop she can face everything with strength.

Turcios attends the University of Texas at Austin and began her first year studying public health. In her family of five, Turcios and her parents remain undocumented while her older sister and younger brother are both American citizens. The summer before her senior year of high school Turcios discovered she was undocumented.

“My parents pulled me aside because I was applying to colleges and I was asking them for my social security number. Then they told me that I needed to apply as an international student. They finally just told me that I’m undocumented and I was so confused. I felt like I couldn’t do everything that I wanted to. I did blame my parents a lot for it and even my siblings. I had a lot of resentment towards [my siblings] because I felt like they had it easy,” Turcios said.

The following year Turcios got asked to share her story at a League of United Latin American Citizens convention in Washington, D.C. She remembers it as the first time she truly accepted her status and shared her identity openly with others.

“It’s difficult to share. It’s definitely not something people like to bring up, but it needs to be. The person right next to us can be undocumented,” Turcios said.

After her speech in Washington, Turcios felt empowered thanks to the warm reception she received from the audience. She no longer holds resentment towards her family but instead sees the hard work and struggles they faced to achieve a better life.

“[My parents] work almost 60 hours a week. During middle school, and even high school, I would wake up super early with my mom and we would go babysit, and I would just be with her. Even on the weekends, I would go clean houses with my mom, or I would spend the day at the restaurant [my dad worked at] doing my homework. Yes, we’ve made it, and we’re here but [my parents] don’t receive enough for what they give,” Turcios said.

Turcios’ parents lived in El Salvador before fleeing to Canada as refugees. She was born during their 18 month stay in Canada. Afterwards the family came to Texas when they discovered her aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer.

In the years since they moved, the family underwent many hardships from leaving behind family in El Salvador and starting over in a new country.

“I haven’t seen my mother in 14 years,” said Wendy Turcios, Jamie’s mother, “My husband couldn’t go to his mother’s funeral or his brother’s because we couldn’t leave. My parents are getting older and I’m not sure if we will get the chance to go back to see them.”

Their daughter feels the pain from watching her parent’s struggle.

“It’s really difficult to see my parents go through a video call looking at someone’s grave or watching my dad on video call with my uncle in El Salvador and saying, ‘Oh look. Here’s our mom in her grave. We put up flowers just like you asked.’ After going through so much it’s just difficult,” Turcios said.

The family tries to maintain their optimism for the future though. Jamie falls under the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals and can continue her studies through DACA under the current system. Her parents both have Temporary Protective Status from El Salvador and remain protected until the following year when they must renew their information.

“Our hope is to apply for permanent residency with our daughter, Melissa, because she is 21 years old now. That is our dream,” Wendy Turcios said.